Time goes quick..in a couple days I'll be another year older. A year older, maybe, hopefully a little wiser? I've certainly learned a lot the past few weeks. I feel I have a better grasp of the physics of what I'm doing, though I'm still far from where I want to be. There is still so much to learn! It's a life long process.
I also have learned a lot about life, and in the process, come to understand myself a bit better. I think I'm a good person, with a noble spirit and high ideals. I work hard, and when for the things and people I love I give it my all, 110%. But I can also be persistent to the point of pointless, perhaps to the detriment of my own health. I am also not as comfortable opening up or being friendly with people, unless they take the initiative to get to know me, or unless I want to get to know them. Friends here have sometimes said I can be cold. I know I think of the best for others, but sometimes what I think is not what others expect or want. And certainly sometimes in friends I expect of them more than what they are willing to give. That can be hurtful, but that's not to say I can't trust friends. There are plenty of friends I would trust with my life, but I should not depend on friends for happiness.
I am responsible for my own happiness. I am responsible for my own learning and growth; this is especially true when it comes to research. Although a collaborative effort, my own progress in the lab must come from what I do, and not what I wait for others to accomplish.
This is sort of a selfish kind of thinking, but it's my life after all. Friends will come and go, and as close as they may be, they are not living your life. Already several that I have known for the past two years and just thought I was getting to know better, have left, and others will soon be graduating. Naturally new people will come, and the process of making new friends starts all over again. An end is sad, and can hurt, but it also means a beginning is just around the corner. Nothing can last, even the most ideal situation will end, because we are destined to die. But death, for many, is the beginning of eternity, and that will not end (who knows!). It's like the four seasons. With Spring comes rebirth, which leads to the vibrancy and life of Summer. In Fall you see the graying middle age and a wise, purposeful existence, which must wane and decay in Winter. But every Winter is followed by a Spring, always.
I think these three years of graduate school have defined and solidified my independence. This is the natural outcome of focusing on yourself, being a bit selfish as I said. College was an eye opening time, but I was still under the wings of my parents and family. Although they are loving and supportive, and I know they will always be, I'm now more or less on my own. It's a sobering thought. Another way to put it, if you are turning 26 and still need to depend on parents it's "kind of" lame (it's ok to "za jeow" sometimes)!
I think the great minds and personalities in our history have been some of the most indepedent, and in many ways, lonely of persons. Pioneers lead the way, and who leads them? No one. Of course to be the first in new territory requires standing on the shoulders of those before, but there is no hand to lead you along. I hope that as I get older, I may gain the boldness and courage to take steps into the unclear and unknown, to be unafraid of taking reasonable risk. I want to be willing to try new ideas and be less afraid to open myself up to those who haven't taken the time to get to know me well.
Though the big theme of today's post is solitude, or with a more positive connotation, independence, I know, we are not solitary animals. Humans, and I am one of them, need friends and need a community. That is why I share my thoughts and life here (and hope the page views keep racking up hehe), so when we meet it may be almost as if we had just seen each other yesterday.
Today's is a very thoughtful blog.
I also have learned a lot about life, and in the process, come to understand myself a bit better. I think I'm a good person, with a noble spirit and high ideals. I work hard, and when for the things and people I love I give it my all, 110%. But I can also be persistent to the point of pointless, perhaps to the detriment of my own health. I am also not as comfortable opening up or being friendly with people, unless they take the initiative to get to know me, or unless I want to get to know them. Friends here have sometimes said I can be cold. I know I think of the best for others, but sometimes what I think is not what others expect or want. And certainly sometimes in friends I expect of them more than what they are willing to give. That can be hurtful, but that's not to say I can't trust friends. There are plenty of friends I would trust with my life, but I should not depend on friends for happiness.
I am responsible for my own happiness. I am responsible for my own learning and growth; this is especially true when it comes to research. Although a collaborative effort, my own progress in the lab must come from what I do, and not what I wait for others to accomplish.
This is sort of a selfish kind of thinking, but it's my life after all. Friends will come and go, and as close as they may be, they are not living your life. Already several that I have known for the past two years and just thought I was getting to know better, have left, and others will soon be graduating. Naturally new people will come, and the process of making new friends starts all over again. An end is sad, and can hurt, but it also means a beginning is just around the corner. Nothing can last, even the most ideal situation will end, because we are destined to die. But death, for many, is the beginning of eternity, and that will not end (who knows!). It's like the four seasons. With Spring comes rebirth, which leads to the vibrancy and life of Summer. In Fall you see the graying middle age and a wise, purposeful existence, which must wane and decay in Winter. But every Winter is followed by a Spring, always.
I think these three years of graduate school have defined and solidified my independence. This is the natural outcome of focusing on yourself, being a bit selfish as I said. College was an eye opening time, but I was still under the wings of my parents and family. Although they are loving and supportive, and I know they will always be, I'm now more or less on my own. It's a sobering thought. Another way to put it, if you are turning 26 and still need to depend on parents it's "kind of" lame (it's ok to "za jeow" sometimes)!
I think the great minds and personalities in our history have been some of the most indepedent, and in many ways, lonely of persons. Pioneers lead the way, and who leads them? No one. Of course to be the first in new territory requires standing on the shoulders of those before, but there is no hand to lead you along. I hope that as I get older, I may gain the boldness and courage to take steps into the unclear and unknown, to be unafraid of taking reasonable risk. I want to be willing to try new ideas and be less afraid to open myself up to those who haven't taken the time to get to know me well.
Though the big theme of today's post is solitude, or with a more positive connotation, independence, I know, we are not solitary animals. Humans, and I am one of them, need friends and need a community. That is why I share my thoughts and life here (and hope the page views keep racking up hehe), so when we meet it may be almost as if we had just seen each other yesterday.
Today's is a very thoughtful blog.
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